The Meeting
by The-Inedible-Croissant
Summary: Roxas agreed to skip work at the risk of facing the Superior's anger in order to spend some quality alone time with Axel, but it seems as though his friend is late again like always.


Roxas stood at the edge of a narrow street, the surrounding buildings rather average and non-descript in appearance. He kept looking down at his watch. Axel was almost an hour late.

The Nobody with the ketchup-flavored hair had convinced him to reluctantly ditch doing Xemnas's dirty work that day so they could spend the day together. Roxas had expressed that he would only do so if they went to some forsaken world no one would be able to find them in. Axel had said he knew the perfect place.

When Axel said the world was a total shithole, Roxas was expecting something a little more...metaphorical. This place smelled like a toilet. And not even like a sorta-low-end-but-at-least-still-cleaned-in-the-last-year toilet; it was total truck-stop bathroom up in this bitch.

He was starting to wonder if Axel was even going to show up at all and if he had told him to come here just to pull one over on him. Well, he had fallen right for it if that were so. He would have sworn to shove a keyblade up his ass later for doing that, but he didn't want to be hearing keyhole jokes for the rest of his nonexistence.

"Yo! Roxas!"

He looked up to see his friend with hair that had the appearance of an exploding tomato frozen mid-splosion by one of Vexen's icy blasts.

"Sorry I'm late, little buddy; Xigbar was being a total dickweed again and giving me a hard time. I think he may have known I was trying to blow off work." Axel guided him into a dark corridor and they warped to another world that didn't smell like a sapient fastfood dumpster deepthroating a dead skunk.

Upon exiting from what appeared to be the world's asshole, Axel shoved the blond Nobody against the wall. His tongue slithered out of his mouth like a snake, which would be quite horrifying if taken for literal; a tongue with a tiny tongue of its own.

Roxas opened his mouth and released his Nobody mating call, the sound like an angry goose in heels honking down a runaway pizza truck. It wanted that cheese made out of delicious.

Axel caught Roxas's mouth with his, like a lamprey captures the side of a tasty fish with its horrifying tooth-hole. Their tongues battled for dominance. Roxas's tongue was in the lead, it pulverized Axel's tongue with a push to the side, bashing it against his teeth. All seemed hopeless, but Axel's tongue had one last trick up its sleeve. It made a series of quick jabs at its tenticular foe, causing Roxas's tongue to make a hasty retreat back into the blond Nobody's mouth.

Axel's tongue wasn't finished with it yet, and pursued after, courageous after taking the upper hand. It had cornered it on its own turf, and the smaller slugaceous appendage attempted one final attack in desperation. It jabbed at Axel's tongue's tender underside, its only weakpoint, but Axel's tongue was quicker.

It dodged the strike and shoved upwards, trapping Roxas's tongue against the rough palate, and began to squeeze, ignoring its struggles. It was only when Roxas's tongue squealed that Axel's tongue released, and Roxas's tongue slinked away in defeat, cowering down into the back of the throat.

Roxas jerked away, coughing and hacking, his eyes bulging in terror. He was choking on his own tongue. His frightened gags sounded like a frog filled with much anger. Like wow, what a wangsty little frog-bastard he is. Look at that frog, being all wangsty with his frog-anger only understood by frogs. What a time to be alive, with all these frogs and their anger.

"Oh shit!" Axel yelled, "Don't worry, I'll save ya!"

He took a tiny arm out of his pocket; so tiny, so secret. He shoved the appendage down his friend's throat and the tiny hand seized the wayward tongue, wrenching it from its moist abode.

Roxas then felt much horny from being saved, his Nobody-flavored dong expanding like a cylindrical balloon in a wind tunnel filled with seagulls. "Let us now making the gay."

"How gay?" Axel asked, his hair transforming from the ketchup to the chili flavor.

"Hella." Roxas reached down Axel's pants to fetch his spicy meat sausage; not a horrible euphemism for the penis, but a literal spicy meat sausage.

Roxas blinked. He was in the supermarket and it was near closing time. He was contemplating between the spicy Italian or the honey-glazed. He really liked spicy food, but it always gave him the runs, and he had just had honey-glazed the night before and didn't want it again so soon.

"_The store will be closing in five minutes. Please take all items to the checkout."_ sounded from the intercom.

Roxas looked frantically between the two over-priced packaged meats he held in each hand. If only the pay weren't so shitty; then he could afford both. He wondered what Axel would do in this situation.

_Burn it, burn it to the ground._

Axel's words of wisdom rang inside his head.

Roxas suddenly felt enlightened, like when man first discovered fire. Fire and its magical ability to commit arson to avoid paying 500 munny for some shitty sausages.

He whipped out his keyblade and summoned a fire spell. The entire supermarket immediately exploded. Roxas was thrown high into the air.

He landed in a daze, his fall cushioned by something lumpy. As he stared up into the sky, sausages rained down over him, made airborne from the blast. He looked around to find he was surrounded by nothing but sausages; millions and millions of sausages.

Spicy Italian, honey-glazed, hickory-smoked, garlic and onion...

He would never go hungry again.


End file.
